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Butterflies

April 25th, 2007

Butterflies

For the past few weeks, I’ve been balancing my life between deadlines and pauses, between moments of productivity and “playing hooky”, between peaceful sleep and bad dreams. In every moment I can spare, I’m working ahead on the intarsia socks and thinking ahead onto what will occupy my hands next week when the deadline is behind me.

Just a few hours ago, I cast on for the second sock and shot this photo of the intarsia “butterflies” dangling in the last light of the day, somewhere around 8 pm. I like this photo a lot. I’m growing quite fond of the sense of calm it seems to impart, the hazy light, the contrast between sharp and unfocused. And yet, at the same time, I’m picturing all these little yarn butterflies creating that tangled net that forces me to stop and unwind.

Unwind.

That’s a very appropriate word for me these days. In just the past few months, I’ve felt that Sandra and I have managed to find a nice rhythm between store and home and leisure and us. While we seldom have a true day “off”, we’ve been able to eek hours here and there, get out for a dinner while a class is in progress, go for breakfast at our favorite Denny’s (don’t laugh) before heading to work.

Maybe it’s my eternal optimism at play, but I feel like after two years of floundering and bouncing, things are starting to feel less like chaos and more like life. More like these normal ups and downs are part of a larger roadmap. We might not know the destination, but at least I’m finally confident the road exists.

Tonight, even these infuriating little butterflies seem somehow romantic, somehow suitable for the place I’m in, physically, mentally, spiritually. I know I’m not really in control over much, if anything. But, at least for tonight, I’m ok with that.

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4 Responses to “Butterflies”

  1. Mandy Says:

    I’m happy to read this. 🙂
    Love,
    Me

  2. Liz Says:

    A big HURRAHH for life! being in the same place with your partner is a wonderful feeling even if it is eekked out in little bits 🙂

  3. Kerry Says:

    Lovely, both the photo and the words. Thank you for sharing and inspiring.

  4. Sheryl Says:

    Thanks for reminding me that the ups and downs, the changes of life are a part of our own personal roadmap. Beautiful thoughts, perfectly articulated.

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