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too much

June 15th, 2010

My current stress level is off the scales. Chalk it up to worry and a lack of adequate sleep for several nights. Chalk it up to just too much on my plate. I thought 2010 was going to be my year of ‘getting it all together’, but right now, it just feels like it’s the year of ‘falling apart’.

Cooper’s doing ok. Thank you for your awesome comments. I’m already haunting the dog park when I can to try to find the owners of the other dog, although I’d be surprised if they’d come back there, when there are so many other options. He’s got two different types of pain meds, and the wound is healing nicely. It’ll be another week before the stitches come out and the cone off, but there are worse things, I suppose.

This morning, we woke up to find another ant trap in the back yard. This happened a few weeks ago, and I just threw it out, assuming it had been an accident, or fallen off the neighbor’s balcony. This time, it was deliberately placed in the middle of the path. So, it looks like we’re going to be dealing with evil neighbor issues here in Toronto as well.

A little bit of googling makes me feel better about it. I guess ant traps typically are only toxic to insects. But it’s the idea of the thing, of once again living near someone who… well… hates us. I put up a sign, and we’ll be asking all the other dog owners on the block if they’ve had any problems. Hopefully that’s the end of it. I can’t cope with the idea of going through the kind of stress we had at home in Calgary.

In Toronto, we know a lot of our neighbors really well. And we like them, and we suspect the feeling is mutual. Of course, it might not be a neighbor at all; the back of our yard faces a tiny laneway.

On top of that, all the worry and focus on Cooper hasn’t distracted me from worry about my Dad. He’s home now, and the first week at home, he started having problems breathing when walking. So, he cut back the walking until he can get into see the pulmonary specialist on the 21st. And then he fell in the bathroom, so he’s not really walking at all any more. The most troubling thing, but not entirely unexpected, is that Mom says he’s really quite different now. He had been diagnosed with a type of dementia when he was in the hospital, probably from the lack of oxygen to his brain when he breathed in all that fluid. What’s been most impacted in his brain is initiation and cognitive thought. He can follow a conversation on the phone, and can answer some questions, but mom says there’s just so much he can’t even fathom processing.

I feel like she’s not telling me everything too. It’s rare for her to say anything negative about dad’s condition, so I worry even more when she says things like, “Oh Amy, it’s so hard.”

And all of this, and I’m so behind in all of those mundane life tasks. Cleaning. Bills. Just keeping up with the house. It’s funny how one ‘little’ thing can really disrupt your life. I feel like until we can get a few good night’s sleep, we won’t be back on our game, and will only get further behind.

There had been plans to go camping and on a dog canoe day trip next weekend, but that’s probably not going to happen. I can still take Jackson canoeing, but we’ll have to figure out if Cooper’s resting well enough to deal with the car camping change of scenery and added stress. There’s nothing worse than a dog who can’t sleep when you’re in a tent!

I’m exhausted. I’m stressed. And I’m sad. I’m sure I’ll be better by next week this time, but for now, I just need to get from one part of the day to the next. Right now, that means getting on my bike and heading to NXNE Interactive’s full day of techy social media workshops.

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10 Responses to “too much”

  1. yilt Says:

    oh milt, sorry things are so stressful right now! glad to hear cooper is doing better, but sad about your dad’s worsening condition. it’s amazing that he’s doing as well as he is…i guess maybe try to remember that and focus on being grateful for the extra time that he’s here. none of this makes it any easier. but i’m thinking about you. try to tackle one thing at a time. i hope my visit next week isn’t causing any stress. i’m sooo excited to see you, but my visit can just be really chill. ps. i can not believe it’s already next week. let’s try to talk either online or on skype or on the phone in the next little bit, ok? love you milt!

  2. ...AnnaRose... Says:

    I agree, 2010 is such a crappy year.
    We’re waiting to get a new work permit for 7 months now, are not allowed to work and don’t have health care coverage anymore. Everytime we think “this week it’s coming!” something else comes up that delays it again. And this situation is not even our fault. It’s due to issues with the previous employer of the hubby and human mistakes. I’m exhausted.

    We should call 2010 a year, have a New Year’s Eve party and announce it’s now 2011a!


  3. telma Says:

    yep… 2010, well the first half sucked big ones. I was in pretty well the exact place you are in January. You’re right, you will feel better next week… but the best part, which is the part you never believe at the time is that when all this kind off stress piles up on you, it helps push out the little/meaningless crap in our lives 😉 Helps us remember what’s really important. who cares if the house needs to be cleaned! you’ll get to it when you can… etc etc 🙂

    damn, what’s that saying… ah… it’s always darkest before the dawn? something like that 🙂

    Take care of yourself (and those you love) and dont sweat the small stuff.

  4. Catarina Says:

    Wow. No wonder you’re stressed! DO take ant stakes seriously: my friends’ voracious Westie discovered a box of them, ate from them and ended up in the vet hospital for two nights before recuperating.

    Now that I’ve confirmed a concern, here’s a stress reliever: Lie down at head level with a dog of yours. Look into its eyes without blinking. Breathe deeply and easily. Experience all that love going between you. Repeat as needed.

  5. samm Says:

    I’m so glad that Cooper’s improving! And yes, trying to sleep in a tent with a dog who can’t sleep would be very trying. I’m sorry to hear of your Dad’s troubles, and I’m sure,as you are, if your mum is anything like mine was, you aren’t hearing all of it. I hope you aren’t worrying too much about either situation, although the photos would tell me otherwise.
    I’m astounded that someone would deliberately try to poison a dog, but really I shouldn’t be. It seems the way the world is going, this uncaring and sometimes malicious behaviour. Hopefully it doesn’t happen again.
    Take care of yourselves, and Coop,
    Wish there were a way for me to help relieve the stress, but I can’t think of one,

  6. Kim Says:

    2010 stress levels are the highest of my life. Seems to be a lot of people feeling it.

    Hang in there. Parent health issues are difficult. Especially when you feel like they’re keeping things from you to protect you.

  7. Karen Says:

    My dad has a saying–“the fickle finger of fate is on the back of your neck right now”. And he pokes you in the back of the neck and then starts rubbing it gently and says not to worry, that it’ll be off you soon so you just have to get through it.

    You’ll get through it.

  8. Falling Stitches Says:

    I so understand you about you dad. I had the same situation some years ago about my mother.
    She has 2nd type Diabetis, Asthma, Arthritis, and she does (in french it’s called Apnée du sommeil)Sleep apnea ? Her Diabetis is still out of control, she can’t lose weight because she can’t breathe, her joins hurt so bad, and she has to wear a mask to sleep.
    At one point, 4 years ago, she told me that she was feeling herself dying…
    But, she didn’t let herself die. You know what saved her? Knitting!! For real! I called her about a particular stitch pattern, and that was it, she was knitting again and it saved her from depression and sickness.
    So hang on in there! My thoughts are with you!

  9. annie Says:

    what anna said.. 2011a. i could use a bit of that. i thought 2010 was going to be such a relief from 2009, and damn.. didn’t it get weirder?

    one day at a time hon.


  10. Levineke Says:

    hey – i’ve just recently bought a pattern off you, or am about to buy a pattern off you, on ravelry and i came across your blog. i just wanted to say, hang in there – hopefully things will get better soon. hope your dog is okay now!
    also, love, love, love your patterns – i’m a fairly new knitter who gets just as much pleasure out of learning to knit, as i do see what i can eventually knit.

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