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Where I’ve been
The title of this post is a bit of a misnomer. See, I’ve mostly been right here, where I always am. But indigirl.com got hacked a month or two ago, and my posts haven’t been working in google or feed readers. Apparently.
Given that quite a few of you have emailed since I fixed it yesterday afternoon, I think we’re back in business.
If you see any links or content directing you to download Microsoft Windows for free, you can be guaranteed I didn’t post that. Ugh.
At this same time, I’ve been in a place of radio silence. Some times the words just fly out of my fingers. At other times, I self-censor, knowing that what I’m bound to write is just going to be self-pitying drivel.
Now is probably one of those times.
I spent the last week traveling. Vogue Knitting LA, Santa Barbara for a great Cloud Chaser class, and then on to St. Charles to help mom out around the house.
VK LA was awesome. I know a lot of you have heard mixed reviews, but I thoroughly enjoyed teaching my classes, and the support I felt from the staff. I taught three sessions of photography and one Noro design class, and had a blast, even though I worked almost every free moment.
I also (finally) had a chance to meet some of the shops I love on the west coast! I did a book / pattern signing in the “Knitting with Sandra” booth one afternoon, and also really enjoyed my time with the gals at “Cardigans” in Santa Barbara.
There’s a different type of energy I get from teaching that I rarely feel anywhere else. I love those light-bulb moments, and I love interacting with new people in that kind of setting.
It’s funny, because I think I’m naturally pretty shy. But I rarely feel more comfortable than I do when teaching.
So. Mom update.
She had her first round of chemo last Monday and initially felt ok. The prednisone helped her energy levels while I was there. So, I stripped wallpaper, cleaned baseboards, and ran errands. We went over to her friends’ house, bought her a snazzy wig, and caught up with the X factor.
It was a quieter visit than most; even feeling fine, she wasn’t up to much shopping or running around. After I came back to Toronto on Saturday, she started to feel more of the fatigue that often accompanies chemo. She’s ok at times, at others, needs to sit down immediately. But I think, overall, she’s doing better than she expected to at this point.
Interesting development on her lymphoma. It turns out, she actually has a different type of lymphoma – a slow-moving nodal marginal zone lymphoma – that has progressed into the aggressive diffuse large B-cell type. This is pretty rare – less than 1% of patients with non-hodgkins lymphoma have this type. Unfortunately, the marginal zone lymphoma does not tend to respond well to treatment and also tends to recur more quickly and more aggressively.
I spoke with the oncologist yesterday, and he said that we’re still hoping for a complete remission after chemo, but that may only last for a year or two before it recurs. Second treatments are limited at her age.
The really great thing is how mom is doing with all of this. She’s a tough cookie, and she has a really strong faith. She’s put it in God’s hands, and isn’t asking the same questions I am.
It’s interesting, how different we are. I like to have as many facts as possible – give me the data, even if it’s grim. Mom? She just likes to think one step at a time.
The step, for now, is the five more rounds of chemo. She will lose her hair, probably after the next treatment on the 17th. After the treatments wrap up, we’ll have two months to wait to see what kind of remission was attained.
I’m disappointed that it’s so less treatable than what I initially understood. The odds aren’t good here, but on the other hand, because it’s so rare, there’s just not a lot of data.
Understandably, I have a lot of anger about all of this. I’m mad. And I’m probably in shock that our family has to go through this right now, so soon after all the trauma with my Dad.
At the same time, it’s probably not surprising that I’ve given myself an acid reflux disorder. The last two nights, it’s been so bad when I went to bed that I’ve gotten up almost instantly to throw up repeatedly.
Sandra’s now got me on a bland diet (or so she thinks), and has forbidden (or so she thinks) diet coke, coffee, wine, chocolate, cheese (except goat), marbled meat, butter, tomatoes, salsa, hot peppers… you know… basically everything I love to eat and drink.
Great.
Fantastic.
You probably know that I love to cook, and I love to create in the kitchen. And I’m just not inspired by a diet of white foods.
I joked to Sandra last night that I’m just going to have to live off of sushi. And she said “NO WASABI”.
Gah.
I’m (understandably) feeling really overwhelmed with the business of life right now. We’ve suddenly got a squirrel living in our roof, and damned if I know what to do about any of that.
So, I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. And focusing on what I have control over, and trying to let go of my worries.
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October 4th, 2011 at 1:04 pm
I’m so sorry for all you’re going through. That would be a ton for anyone to handle. Deep breaths.
October 4th, 2011 at 1:07 pm
Hi Amy. You are right, life is a bit overwhelming for you at the moment. I am so sorry to hear of the changed prognosis. One step at a time is a good approach, and enjoying the present. Such a cliche, but it is a good thing to do in any circumstance. We so appreciated your time and class here in Santa Barbara. All were thrilled to meet you and spend some time learning some tricks. I am happy to report i am knitting a BIG baby blanket without my cable needle crutch. Thanks to YOU! And loving it. Hang in there, keep knitting, and send your mum our collective hug from California!
October 4th, 2011 at 1:36 pm
I do appreciate all that you’re going through right now. Your mom will be better off if you take care of YOU too! As a 15 year GERD sufferer, IMHO, you cannot not always avoid the indigestion by avoiding certain foods. If I drink too much water before bed, I get sick. Iceberg lettuce is a KILLER for me. Spicy foods, not so much. Other people mean well, but you have to figure out your triggers. Some people blame coffee. I’ve never had a drop. If you do have GERD, you need to see a doctor and get Nexxium, or something like that before there is acid damage to your esophagus. I have also had relief with OTC Prevacid (cheaper at Costco.) I also find that Gaviscon works, Tums not at all for me. Best to you and your mom – you’re both in my thoughts.
October 4th, 2011 at 4:16 pm
Thank you for sharing from your heart; the real life moments as well as all the beautiful knitting inspirations you have blessed us with! Sending hugs and prayers to both you and your mom as well as for a creative way to evict the #%*@? squirrel.
October 4th, 2011 at 4:32 pm
My mom has lung cancer. It’s one of the many things I knit to cope with. I also recommend deep breathing, cuddling someone special, and tea. Hugs and prayers from Fredonia, NY.
October 4th, 2011 at 4:40 pm
Oh, Amy,
My heart hurts for all you’ve been through, and are continuing to experience. Thank you for being brave enough to share.
My own dear Mom had radiation for some cancer cells on her salivary gland, and it kicked her dementia up big time. We’ve moved her into Memory Care, and she has good days and bad ones. I hope she knows me and my daughter (her namesake) when we visit later this month.
By the way, loving the new Contorno pattern–a really fun knit so far!
October 4th, 2011 at 5:35 pm
Hugs to you, darlin!
Wishing you blessings and relief from the reflux, at the very least.
Prayers for your Mom, that there might be more hope than the data suggests.
All Love,
As always!
XoxoX
October 4th, 2011 at 9:15 pm
You just rant away – that’s part of dealing with your situation right now. And never give up hope – cancer knows no rules and sometimes you win even when you were told you would lose. Try Nexium – I work in Endo and that’s what my docs recommend for OTC treatment. Take it in the am .5 hours before breakfast. Hope this helps
October 4th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
Let me just say as a lurker on your site, your honest words help others who may be going through similar struggles. Like me. My mom is sick too, it’s rare and it’s not a good situation. Funny enough, even though we are strangers, it makes me feel less alone to read your words.
And i think you can get a squirrel trap for the squirrel. But unfortunately, I don’t have any cures for the other things.
Hang in there, indigirl.
October 5th, 2011 at 8:42 am
Hugs to you ! I wish there was some way to make it easier on both you and your mom , but try to take each day as it comes and deal with that day.My thoughts are with you.
October 5th, 2011 at 11:46 am
I’m so sorry to hear this
It’s very upsetting to watch our loved ones when they’re ill.
If I could knit your mother a cure, I would! (Of course, so would you!)
And I’m sorry I missed you in SB. I didn’t realise you were coming, otherwise I would have loved to meet you face to face (instead of just stalking you on your blog:)
October 5th, 2011 at 1:42 pm
There are so many problems that I can only offer prayers for but here are two things I can offer solutions for:
Acid reflux: Cup of ginger (skinned and sliced up in disks)
Cup of sugar, around 6 cups of water. Throw it all in a pot and boil for an hour (adding water as needed)
When hour is done, drain out “candied ginger” and let it dry on wax paper. The liquid is “ginger syrup” and can be used in selzer water, tea, coffee, etc. Eat either when you need. Deep breathing and meditation also helps me since mine is due to stress.
Squirel in Attic:
Shortcut way is to throw mothballs in the attic. Most wildlife hates mothballs. Before the mothballs lose their smell, get the hole in the attic closed up.
Or use a live trap, trap the squirel and get the hole closed up before you release him (which you will want to do within hours of catching him.)
With lots of prayers,
Katie (Katiebell)
October 5th, 2011 at 11:31 pm
I usually keep quiet on the Internet, but felt compelled to write after reading all you are currently going through.I have been through cancer with my mum,and dad..then lost both grandparents shortly after. Lol. . And just to make life interesting my eldest autistic son has decided it would be better to be a girl and is setting about changing name,passports etc.
I am a knitwear and costume designer. With a passion for dolls!
I knit ,or I would have no idea how to walk the path ahead. I think you will also find this a very healing thing that is something you can feel in control of, when your mums health, and that darn squirrel cant be as easy.Creativity is a wonderful thing. If you would like to hear of my creative life with 3children with autism…please look me up.
October 13th, 2011 at 12:05 am
Hi Amy! I just wanted to thank you for the photography class. I really learned a lot from you in such a short time. I hope all is going well with your mom. She is really lucky to have you, you know. Keep your self strong too. I lost my mom a year ago July rather unexpectedly. I lost my dad 7 years earlier, but losing my mom has really thrown me for a loop. It is still hard. Embrace each moment.
October 29th, 2011 at 10:41 pm
Just found your blog. I have had GERD for several years and agree w/Sarah — even too much water in the evening can make for a miserable night. If I remember to take Nexium daily I don’t have any symptoms at all.
On your mom, I hope you find that knitting is something to keep your mind occupied on something positive. My mother has been gone 2 years now, but just today I was thinking about how much comfort I got from knitting while waiting with, or for, my mom at her doctor appointments.
Your mother is lucky to have your support.