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too much
My current stress level is off the scales. Chalk it up to worry and a lack of adequate sleep for several nights. Chalk it up to just too much on my plate. I thought 2010 was going to be my year of ‘getting it all together’, but right now, it just feels like it’s the year of ‘falling apart’.
Cooper’s doing ok. Thank you for your awesome comments. I’m already haunting the dog park when I can to try to find the owners of the other dog, although I’d be surprised if they’d come back there, when there are so many other options. He’s got two different types of pain meds, and the wound is healing nicely. It’ll be another week before the stitches come out and the cone off, but there are worse things, I suppose.
This morning, we woke up to find another ant trap in the back yard. This happened a few weeks ago, and I just threw it out, assuming it had been an accident, or fallen off the neighbor’s balcony. This time, it was deliberately placed in the middle of the path. So, it looks like we’re going to be dealing with evil neighbor issues here in Toronto as well.
A little bit of googling makes me feel better about it. I guess ant traps typically are only toxic to insects. But it’s the idea of the thing, of once again living near someone who… well… hates us. I put up a sign, and we’ll be asking all the other dog owners on the block if they’ve had any problems. Hopefully that’s the end of it. I can’t cope with the idea of going through the kind of stress we had at home in Calgary.
In Toronto, we know a lot of our neighbors really well. And we like them, and we suspect the feeling is mutual. Of course, it might not be a neighbor at all; the back of our yard faces a tiny laneway.
On top of that, all the worry and focus on Cooper hasn’t distracted me from worry about my Dad. He’s home now, and the first week at home, he started having problems breathing when walking. So, he cut back the walking until he can get into see the pulmonary specialist on the 21st. And then he fell in the bathroom, so he’s not really walking at all any more. The most troubling thing, but not entirely unexpected, is that Mom says he’s really quite different now. He had been diagnosed with a type of dementia when he was in the hospital, probably from the lack of oxygen to his brain when he breathed in all that fluid. What’s been most impacted in his brain is initiation and cognitive thought. He can follow a conversation on the phone, and can answer some questions, but mom says there’s just so much he can’t even fathom processing.
I feel like she’s not telling me everything too. It’s rare for her to say anything negative about dad’s condition, so I worry even more when she says things like, “Oh Amy, it’s so hard.”
And all of this, and I’m so behind in all of those mundane life tasks. Cleaning. Bills. Just keeping up with the house. It’s funny how one ‘little’ thing can really disrupt your life. I feel like until we can get a few good night’s sleep, we won’t be back on our game, and will only get further behind.
There had been plans to go camping and on a dog canoe day trip next weekend, but that’s probably not going to happen. I can still take Jackson canoeing, but we’ll have to figure out if Cooper’s resting well enough to deal with the car camping change of scenery and added stress. There’s nothing worse than a dog who can’t sleep when you’re in a tent!
I’m exhausted. I’m stressed. And I’m sad. I’m sure I’ll be better by next week this time, but for now, I just need to get from one part of the day to the next. Right now, that means getting on my bike and heading to NXNE Interactive’s full day of techy social media workshops.
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