Oops.

Well, I fixed it a few weeks ago by clearing out my server and reinstalling everything from scratch.

Unfortunately, I forgot one file – the template required by my Toe-Up Sock Pattern Generator.

Oops.

Thanks to a message on Facebook, I’ve fixed the issue, and everything should be working again.

In case you haven’t seen the Toe-Up Sock Pattern Generator yet, it’s kind of cool. I built it a year or two ago, and it’s based on my Universal Toe-Up Sock Formula (from Knitty). Input your yarn gauge, needle size and shoe size and you’ll get a customized pattern.

Of course, if you want to add any fancy schmancy stitch patterning, you’ll need to tweak a few of the numbers for your repeat to work. But it’s a good place to start, and I hope you enjoy!

Given that quite a few of you have emailed since I fixed it yesterday afternoon, I think we’re back in business.

If you see any links or content directing you to download Microsoft Windows for free, you can be guaranteed I didn’t post that. Ugh.

At this same time, I’ve been in a place of radio silence. Some times the words just fly out of my fingers. At other times, I self-censor, knowing that what I’m bound to write is just going to be self-pitying drivel.

Now is probably one of those times.

I spent the last week traveling. Vogue Knitting LA, Santa Barbara for a great Cloud Chaser class, and then on to St. Charles to help mom out around the house.

VK LA was awesome. I know a lot of you have heard mixed reviews, but I thoroughly enjoyed teaching my classes, and the support I felt from the staff. I taught three sessions of photography and one Noro design class, and had a blast, even though I worked almost every free moment.

I also (finally) had a chance to meet some of the shops I love on the west coast! I did a book / pattern signing in the “Knitting with Sandra” booth one afternoon, and also really enjoyed my time with the gals at “Cardigans” in Santa Barbara.

There’s a different type of energy I get from teaching that I rarely feel anywhere else. I love those light-bulb moments, and I love interacting with new people in that kind of setting.

It’s funny, because I think I’m naturally pretty shy. But I rarely feel more comfortable than I do when teaching.

So. Mom update.

She had her first round of chemo last Monday and initially felt ok. The prednisone helped her energy levels while I was there. So, I stripped wallpaper, cleaned baseboards, and ran errands. We went over to her friends’ house, bought her a snazzy wig, and caught up with the X factor.

It was a quieter visit than most; even feeling fine, she wasn’t up to much shopping or running around. After I came back to Toronto on Saturday, she started to feel more of the fatigue that often accompanies chemo. She’s ok at times, at others, needs to sit down immediately. But I think, overall, she’s doing better than she expected to at this point.

Interesting development on her lymphoma. It turns out, she actually has a different type of lymphoma – a slow-moving nodal marginal zone lymphoma – that has progressed into the aggressive diffuse large B-cell type. This is pretty rare – less than 1% of patients with non-hodgkins lymphoma have this type. Unfortunately, the marginal zone lymphoma does not tend to respond well to treatment and also tends to recur more quickly and more aggressively.

I spoke with the oncologist yesterday, and he said that we’re still hoping for a complete remission after chemo, but that may only last for a year or two before it recurs. Second treatments are limited at her age.

The really great thing is how mom is doing with all of this. She’s a tough cookie, and she has a really strong faith. She’s put it in God’s hands, and isn’t asking the same questions I am.

It’s interesting, how different we are. I like to have as many facts as possible – give me the data, even if it’s grim. Mom? She just likes to think one step at a time.

The step, for now, is the five more rounds of chemo. She will lose her hair, probably after the next treatment on the 17th. After the treatments wrap up, we’ll have two months to wait to see what kind of remission was attained.

I’m disappointed that it’s so less treatable than what I initially understood. The odds aren’t good here, but on the other hand, because it’s so rare, there’s just not a lot of data.

Understandably, I have a lot of anger about all of this. I’m mad. And I’m probably in shock that our family has to go through this right now, so soon after all the trauma with my Dad.

At the same time, it’s probably not surprising that I’ve given myself an acid reflux disorder. The last two nights, it’s been so bad when I went to bed that I’ve gotten up almost instantly to throw up repeatedly.

Sandra’s now got me on a bland diet (or so she thinks), and has forbidden (or so she thinks) diet coke, coffee, wine, chocolate, cheese (except goat), marbled meat, butter, tomatoes, salsa, hot peppers… you know… basically everything I love to eat and drink.

Great.

Fantastic.

You probably know that I love to cook, and I love to create in the kitchen. And I’m just not inspired by a diet of white foods.

I joked to Sandra last night that I’m just going to have to live off of sushi. And she said “NO WASABI”.

Gah.

I’m (understandably) feeling really overwhelmed with the business of life right now. We’ve suddenly got a squirrel living in our roof, and damned if I know what to do about any of that.

So, I’m just putting one foot in front of the other. And focusing on what I have control over, and trying to let go of my worries.

Some of the time, it’s extremely important to pick up the “right” number of stitches.

For example, when working the front panels of Cloud Chaser, one must pick up an exact number along the sides of the back, or the fabric won’t be the right size, and in the right pattern.

You should be able to see from the arrows in the above photograph, how the back is knit from the hem upwards, and the front is knit from a picked up edge sideways.

In this case, you’ll absolutely need to make your best efforts to picking up the number of stitches specified.

When Working With Exact Numbers…
Let’s pretend that you need to pick up 80 stitches. One easy way to do this is to use scrap yarn (or safety pins or removable stitch markers) to split the fabric into quarters. Fold the edge where you’ll be picking up in half to mark the center, then in halves again to mark each of the quarters. When picking up stitches, your goal will be to make sure 20 fit into each of those quarters.

But here’s a hint. “Exact” doesn’t have to be perfect after the first row. Let’s say you finish picking up stitches and discover you’ve only got 78. For most patterns, it’s 100% fine to just increase on the following row, as long as you’re sure to do it evenly. In the case mentioned before, you could either choose to increase one at either end, or do something like work 25 sts, increase #1, work 28 sts, increase #2, work 25 sts.

What if Stitch Counts Aren’t Exact?

“Perfect” stitch counts actually aren’t always necessary. Think of an armhole, for example. Does it matter if it’s worked with 40 or 44 stitches around?

No! It does not matter, as long as you follow these 2 simple rules:

1. Be sure to pick up as evenly as possible!
2. You must pick up the same number of stitches for both armholes!

In cases like this in my patterns, I often write more general instructions on how to pick up stitches rather than how many to pick up. This can be confusing, but I believe it’s far more important that a picked up armhole (or neckline) band look smooth and even than that knitters have exactly the same number of stitches as I did. This is particularly true for trims using simple stitch patterns like a 1×1 rib.

I have a simple formula that I use when picking up stitches along even edges when working with stockinette.

One stitch for every stitch and 2 stitches for every 3 rows.

Sounds confusing? It’s not.

Think about an armhole for a set in sleeve or sleeveless piece. Instructions in most cases are provided in 3 sections:

1. At the bottom, you’ve cast off stitches for the underarm.
2. Then, you might have a few rows of shaping, generally by casting off 2, or 3 stitches.
3. Finally, you work straight up and down to the shoulder.

You’ll pick up stitches into these areas by focusing on either the stitches or the rows of the existing fabric, to determine how many and where to pick up.

I like to start at the center of the underarm. This allows me to really hide my ends where they won’t show.

Does it matter if it’s the EXACT center? Not even a little bit. But it’s usually pretty straight forward to count your cast off stitches and divide by 2 to figure out a good place to start.

First, you’ll focus on the stitches of the existing fabric. Remember, you’re aiming for 1 stitch for every stitch.

Along this cast off edge (#1 above), you pick up one stitch into each stitch that was cast off.

Continue on in the same way for the shaping rows (#2 above) as long as the pattern has you decrease or cast off at the beginning of every row. Aim for one picked up stitch for every cast off or decreased stitch you see.

As soon as the pattern switches to decreasing 1 stitch at a time on every other row, or even less frequently, you’ll want to change how you’re thinking.

Now, switch to looking for the rows of the existing fabric. I like to look about one ‘column’ in from the edge so I have a very clear V in stockinette to aim for.

Here, you’ll aim for 2 stitches for every 3 rows.

To do this, pick up the first stitch in the very next row up the side of the piece. Pick up a stitch in the very next row. Then, skip a row.

Continue on in this way until you’ve reached the shoulder, or the half-way point of your task.

This, my dears, is the perfect time to write down how many stitches you’ve picked up so far. When working the second half, you’ll have a number in mind.

So. “1 for 1 and 2 for 3” is how I choose to think about it, almost every time I approach a new design.

• Why is it important to pick up at regular intervals?
  Using a pattern for picking up will help make sure your fabric lays flat, without bunching, pulling, or puckering. The last thing you want are gaping holes in your knitting. Following a regular pattern not only makes it simpler, it sets you up for a perfectly picked up edge.
• What about pattern? Don’t I have to worry about a multiple of 2, or 4 stitches for my ribbing?
  Yeah, you do. This is why this technique is really good for simple edgings that don’t have a multiple of, say, 13 stitches.

  If it’s a multiple of 2, and if you’ve worked both sides the same, you’re in luck! If not, you’ll only be off by one stitch, which is easy to make up when working the first row.

  For a multiple of 4, or a multiple of 4 + 2, it’s still not a problem to increase (or decrease) to the desired number when working the first row. Sometimes I prefer to knit one round before beginning any ribbing just to make this easiest to accomplish.

• Does it matter if you’re off by one stitch on the second half?
  Not really. Again, you’ll probably want to even things up before you begin whatever pattern you’ve got in mind.

The Key to Picking Up Stitches is GAUGE… Kind Of

Many of you may have learned that it’s appropriate to pick up 3 for every 4 rows. This concept relates to a standard ratio found in stockinette fabrics. For example, 18 sts and 24 rows to 4 inches square is actually just a ratio of 3 to 4.

But, when working with stockinette, I’ve found that I prefer using a ratio that results in the picked up stitches being a tiny bit further apart. The ratio of 2 to 3 works – with stockinette – because stockinette fabrics tend to grow in row gauge over time. Picking up fewer stitches along the edge actually helps the fabric hold it’s shape far better, and prevents the edgings from flaring or expanding.

This may also have to do with our current approach to knitting garment design. Sweaters knit with fingering weight yarn – as was more popular pre-1960 – tend to be knit more firmly to create a more substantial and hardy fabric. The advantage of dense knits is that fabric tends to stay put over time. And so, it’s easy to pick up using the ratio of stitches to rows and ‘get away with it’.

If you’ve ever knit a traditional fair isle, with sleeves picked up from armhole steeks, you’ll recognize this. The same gauge for the body is used for the sleeves, so the ratio really should be as close as possible to prevent distortion.

However, the introduction of chunkier yarns necessitated a relatively looser gauge. A bulky sweater is one thing, but a bulky sweater knit with the firmness of a sport-weight fair-isle is much much much less fun to wear. With looser gauges comes the need to control the fabric, particularly with seamless garments. A tighter pick-up ratio works perfectly.

Some Caveats…
The “1 for 1 and 2 for 3″ rule doesn’t work with every stitch pattern. Garter, lace, and cables can create a really differently ratio-ed fabric than one worked in stockinette. If you’re not sure what will work, test it out on the side of a fully blocked swatch first. Think about how the width of the ‘new’ knitting – the part you’re picking up – needs to match the height of the ‘old’ knitting.

And whatever you do, the most most most important thing is to make sure your work looks good by picking up as evenly and consistently as possible.

My current stress level is off the scales. Chalk it up to worry and a lack of adequate sleep for several nights. Chalk it up to just too much on my plate. I thought 2010 was going to be my year of ‘getting it all together’, but right now, it just feels like it’s the year of ‘falling apart’.

Cooper’s doing ok. Thank you for your awesome comments. I’m already haunting the dog park when I can to try to find the owners of the other dog, although I’d be surprised if they’d come back there, when there are so many other options. He’s got two different types of pain meds, and the wound is healing nicely. It’ll be another week before the stitches come out and the cone off, but there are worse things, I suppose.

This morning, we woke up to find another ant trap in the back yard. This happened a few weeks ago, and I just threw it out, assuming it had been an accident, or fallen off the neighbor’s balcony. This time, it was deliberately placed in the middle of the path. So, it looks like we’re going to be dealing with evil neighbor issues here in Toronto as well.

A little bit of googling makes me feel better about it. I guess ant traps typically are only toxic to insects. But it’s the idea of the thing, of once again living near someone who… well… hates us. I put up a sign, and we’ll be asking all the other dog owners on the block if they’ve had any problems. Hopefully that’s the end of it. I can’t cope with the idea of going through the kind of stress we had at home in Calgary.

In Toronto, we know a lot of our neighbors really well. And we like them, and we suspect the feeling is mutual. Of course, it might not be a neighbor at all; the back of our yard faces a tiny laneway.

On top of that, all the worry and focus on Cooper hasn’t distracted me from worry about my Dad. He’s home now, and the first week at home, he started having problems breathing when walking. So, he cut back the walking until he can get into see the pulmonary specialist on the 21st. And then he fell in the bathroom, so he’s not really walking at all any more. The most troubling thing, but not entirely unexpected, is that Mom says he’s really quite different now. He had been diagnosed with a type of dementia when he was in the hospital, probably from the lack of oxygen to his brain when he breathed in all that fluid. What’s been most impacted in his brain is initiation and cognitive thought. He can follow a conversation on the phone, and can answer some questions, but mom says there’s just so much he can’t even fathom processing.

I feel like she’s not telling me everything too. It’s rare for her to say anything negative about dad’s condition, so I worry even more when she says things like, “Oh Amy, it’s so hard.”

And all of this, and I’m so behind in all of those mundane life tasks. Cleaning. Bills. Just keeping up with the house. It’s funny how one ‘little’ thing can really disrupt your life. I feel like until we can get a few good night’s sleep, we won’t be back on our game, and will only get further behind.

There had been plans to go camping and on a dog canoe day trip next weekend, but that’s probably not going to happen. I can still take Jackson canoeing, but we’ll have to figure out if Cooper’s resting well enough to deal with the car camping change of scenery and added stress. There’s nothing worse than a dog who can’t sleep when you’re in a tent!

I’m exhausted. I’m stressed. And I’m sad. I’m sure I’ll be better by next week this time, but for now, I just need to get from one part of the day to the next. Right now, that means getting on my bike and heading to NXNE Interactive’s full day of techy social media workshops.

While I work on this, I’m also in the middle of about four new designs.

* The vest for Lorna’s Laces, in the new Honor yarn. It’s being named “Cloud Chaser Vest” and it will make it’s debut at TNNA next week. I’m nearly done with the actual knitting, and will probably cast off tonight. Then, photography, pattern layout, publication, all while the vest itself goes to be a lovely booth model in Columbus. Are you heading to TNNA? Be sure to check it out!
* A crocheted baby sweater, unfortunately on hold while other things take precedence.
* A knit baby blanket, again, nearly finished
* A project for Knitty, still in swatching phase…

So I’m running out of hours in the day. I took yesterday off and sat in the backyard and knit for about 12 straight hours. Not done yet, but closer than I would have been, otherwise.

And on top of the knitting, I really want to be doing more geeky knit stuff. I want to get back to my initial iPhone app so I can learn enough to build out the app I’ve already designed in my head. I want to work on my website. I want to design more ads for Facebook and Ravelry. And I want to get a good night’s sleep.

I wonder at people who have free time on their hands, and don’t know what to do with it. I feel like I’m permanently short of the hours I need to do what I really want to do.

I haven’t been bored in years.

But do you want one?

Now that I’ve had mine for nearly two months, I thought it was worth a second… or third… look.

When the iPad was officially introduced, I wrote a bit about being slightly disappointed, without knowing exactly why. Although the iPad had just so much, it wasn’t exactly what I thought it would be. It was clear that it would not be a replacement for a computer. No file system, little connectivity, and simplified OS would be roadblocks to ever doing significant code or pattern production.

We talked a lot around the office that week. What was the iPad exactly, and what was it for? How would I use it?

And then I thought about it a little more. It became a bit of a challenge for me to take a fresh look at my life, and the way I interacted with information, to identify how my life might change with this new device.

This might sound silly to you. After all, why buy a device if you have to search for its purpose? But then again, the iPad is a new type of thing. It’s not an mp3 player. It’s not a DVD player. It’s not a phone. It’s not a laptop. It’s not an eBook reader. It’s not a nintendo. It’s not a netbook.

It’s kind of all of these and none of these at the same time.

It’s a tablet. And it’s new. And I didn’t have any concrete model for how it would make my life better. When I got my first Rio mp3 player, it was to carry more of my musical library with me on trips and for my daily commute. My Nintendo DS? For pure entertainment. Even the Apple TV was purchased for a concrete reason; to abolish my DVD collection and switch to all digital HD.

But with the iPad? What would it do for me?

That question, though, is exactly why I bought one.

On April 4, after a day of light use, I wrote about my first impressions of the iPad. I liked it. I just didn’t quite know why.

Now, I love the iPad. And I have a pretty good idea why.

• It’s light, thin and quiet.

  I have yet to be uncomfy using the iPad. With one hand or two, on my lap, on the table, propped on my knees, even reading in bed. Being able to turn the screen for a different layout allows flexibility. The best part? Unlike a laptop, it doesn’t heat up or require a fan. It stays cool and completely quiet.

• It’s intimate.

  Wait. That sounds weird.

  What I mean is that the touch screen is large enough, and can be held close to enough, to provide an incredible browsing experience. There’s something amazing about feeling your way through one of your favorite sites, of using your fingertips to explore nearly full-sized content.

  The iPhone / iPod Touch provides an incredible mobile experience, but the limited screen real estate has always made me feel slightly awkward when trying to read large amounts of content, such as on a news site or blog. The iPad fixes it. When I use the BBC app to catch up on news, it feels larger – and more brilliant – than my laptop’s screen because of how I hold and interact with it.

• It’s always changing

  Many of the apps built specifically for the iPad are dynamic in nature. Updates and content can be pushed into the applications, enabling near real-time updates on WeatherChannel, or weekly magazine-like tabloid stories in Entertainment Weekly.

  Even games have in-app upgrades and bonuses. The Glee sing-along app features new songs in advance of each week’s episode. And I’ve gotten sucked into playing WeRule, a free Farmville-like social game.

  My favorite part? Checking out the App Store for new and fun applications to download or purchase. Because new apps are available all the time, I check in every few days to see what’s new or featured in some of my favorite categories. If I’m bored, I can download something new to play with in just a few clicks.

• It’s fun

  Steve Jobs keeps calling the iPad “magical”, but I would simplify that to just three letters; FUN.

  The entire experience of working with one is entertaining; sliding your fingers across the screen, using five or ten fingertips for gestures. It’s like finger-painting, but for grown ups. And there’s something different about it than the smaller scale of the iPhone.

  It’s so fun that it’s now with me around the house for the entire day. It’s next to me on the couch when I knit or watch TV. It’s become my default way of checking my email and the Ravelry forums. It’s the first thing I pick up in the morning to check the news and weather. It’s in the kitchen to load recipes from foodandwine.com and epicurious. And the experience of making playlists on it is so much better than on my iPad, I use it for at-work listening.

Yup, I’m in love.

But the iPad isn’t everything.

In most cases, it’s not going to replace your computer.

• Typing is awkward.

  While you can get an external keyboard, and even a keyboard dock to make writing as easy as on your laptop, you’ll still need a desk or some type of table set up for comfy typing. The on-screen keyboard is good enough for casual emails, but I wouldn’t write a 1,000 word blog post on it if I had another option.

• Suited for the web, not for offline computing.

  The iPad is at it’s absolute best when connected to the net. Without a WiFi signal or 3G data plan, many applications are worthless. Even some of the news apps rely on that connection to load any content, even last week’s.

  That said, I don’t expect websites to work without a web connection, so I can’t really expect similar apps to work offline. I can listen to music and watch videos, play Plants vs. Zombies to my heart’s content, and keep notes on my latest pattern using Pages. I’ll just have to connect to my laptop – or the net – to access those files.

• It won’t hold your entire media library.

  It’s a great device to watch movies on, but even with the 64GB version, you’ll only be able to hold a few dozen. And, similar to an iPod, you’ll need to sync to your main iTunes library to move over movies and music.

Has the iPad changed my life?

In a word:

Yes.

For me, it’s become my go-to device 90% of the time. I rarely use my iPod now, except when running.

The battery stays charged seemingly infinitely; at least 10 hours without any performance adjustments. It’s small enough to fit into my favorite (and only) Coach purse. It’s light enough for me to not question bringing it everywhere. Bringing it out to read a few pages of a novel is no big deal; nothing to boot up, nothing to wait for. In three clicks from the thought, I’m already reading. And despite all the talk about lack of flash support, I’ve only run into one site where I couldn’t get the content I wanted.

For knitting patterns, it’s exceptional. There’s this app called “Goodreader” that allows you to sync with any PDF on the web. Ravelry has provided a way to integrate with your pattern library. All my patterns with me at one time! Perfect!

It’s proven to be a better way for me to write patterns, and keep notes, as I design. The keyboard can be a bit awkward, but not needing to dig up a pen and notebook, and more importantly, never misplacing the pattern in progress, is well worth the slight slow-down.

So, that was a bit of a rambly review.

I think the iPad does really well what it should; provide an incredible user experience for media consumption; the web, videos, photos, movies, apps, and games. And if you’re in a one-computer household and mainly need to use it as I do, it’s a superior alternative to a second computer.

Should you buy an iPad? I don’t know.

My answer, as always, is “it depends”.

For me, it’s awesome. I use it more than I ever thought I would.

——
Edited to add…

I’m a massive Apple fan and have been from pretty much the beginning of my life. I will always be an Apple fan. They’re not perfect. No company is. They have issues with censorship and closed systems like others have with licensing, security, unstable OS, and privacy. But I’ve worked on a lot of OS in my life, and OS X is still my favorite, UNIX-base and all.

About the app store model… Apple was the first to take on that model and that’s always going to be tougher than coming second. There’s a fine line between curation and censorship. I think this is a area of ethics and standards that will continue to improve with competition. Google’s app store is a start, as are the ones being developed for mobile devices. Keep watching it, and keep on it.

I equate it to what’s happening in moderation policies for online news and political sites. When blogging first began, there was this massive rush to open up comments to everyone. And then there was this shock that people would write profanities, threats, and hate. And then there was the question of how to deal with this. Blogging is relatively “old” online…. nearly 20 years that word has been around. But mainstream sites are still dealing with the best way to use comments from users without censoring, without infringing on free speech. It’s complicated; how to protect users while letting them have their say, publish their app, pursue their rights.

That’s a whole other soapbox.

And I’m not debating Apple as a “good” or “bad” company.

I love this particular product now that I’ve used it for a month. And I love my MacBook Pro. And I love my iPod. And I love blogging. And I love writing about it.

Please keep leaving challenging comments. I love to read them, and you make me think, and question, and debate, which is always a good thing. But don’t email me privately and tell me I suck.

Thank you.

(PS – if you don’t like geeky stuff, there’ll be knitting again soon! I promise! And also a delicious apple muffin recipe!)

This morning, I got up at 6am, showered, pulled and pried myself into various forms of performance spandex, and drove across town with the sole purpose of running for a little more than an hour with 12,000 other insane souls.

Since November, I’ve been struggling with shin splints; worse on my left leg than right, but noticeable on both. I’ve been to the doctor. I’ve rested. I’ve stretched. I’ve cross trained. I’ve done it all, and they still haunt me. Going into this race, I was pain free for several weeks until my last few training runs. Then, more discomfort on the left shin and calf. I opted to take more time off rather than push it. I rested for three weeks until this morning, and decided to go as slow as I felt I should, even if I ended up walking the whole route.

I won’t lie.

The first 2 miles felt pretty rough. Barely a third of the way in, my calves and shins cramped up terribly. I was near tears, and if it wasn’t for Moira, I may have called it quits. Instead, I walked until it felt better, and was surprised that it did feel better after a little while.

By the 4th kilometer, I started to enjoy myself.

Somewhere around 6km, I remembered exactly why I love to run; that incredible feeling of invincibility, when my feet barely touched the pavement, when I floated, when I flew, when I felt that I could just run forever.

I finished the race at 1 hour 11 minutes and 52 seconds. Well over 7 minutes a kilometer, and a slow enough time to place me approximately 10,500th in the race overall.

And yet, although I only beat 12.5% of the participants to the finish line, I am so freaking proud of myself right now.

For someone as competitive as me, it can be tough to be terrible. I like to go all out. I do the research, I learn as much as I can, and I try for the best at every challenge. Almost a year after I started running, I’ve realized that my inability to be the best at this is precisely why I love to run.

I’m never going to be the fastest. (Unless maybe I’m running marathons into my 90s!) I’m likely never going to place in the top 10 of any race for my age group and gender.

And I’m totally, 100% ok with that.

For me, running races is about the journey my mind and body go through along the way. It’s about the very personal challenge of pushing through when it feels hopeless. Of saying “I can… maybe…” instead of “not a chance.” Of focusing on the things within me; my core, my breath, my stride. And the things outside; the pack, the weather, the spectators, and the scenery.

This is why I run. For myself. To be inside my own head and body for a half hour, an hour, or two. To put on some good tunes. To feel my feet fly.

And it’s also, maybe, a little about the bling.

The best part about racing? If you finish, you win. At least in my mind.

I may be a terrible runner, but I finished today, much faster than I thought I could, with my hands raised above my head and a huge smile on my face.

I’ve been far too sick to be bored.

This is a strange thing for me, who always has something on the go. I’ve been home for the past 3 days solid, except for Monday morning’s doctor visit and the Tuesday 1am visit to the emergency room when I was having a hard time breathing and too feverish to make any sense.

I’ve had a bit of a sore throat for a week now, but it got worse on Saturday, then again on Sunday when I lost much of my voice. By Monday morning, I was in agony. The strep test results aren’t back yet, but I’m guessing that’s what I’ve got. I know I had a +100 deg fever for nearly all of Monday. Because we were at the hospital until 6am on Tuesday, I spent most of Tuesday day sleeping. I can’t eat anything solid. I tried a piece of cantaloupe yesterday and nearly cried. My throat and cheeks and neck are puffed up like a chipmunk’s. And I’ve been living on liquids; chicken broth, hot water with honey, pureed carrots with broth, pureed apples.

I’m on Day 3 of the antibiotics and also 3 solid days of Tylenol 3 and advil. Together. As soon as either pain med starts to wear off, I’m in agony again. As soon as I cough, I want to cry.

I have never ever been this sick in my life.

Although Sandra’s been sick too, she hasn’t been nearly as bad off as me. She’s gotten me tea, heated the water, cooked soup after soup after soup. Ran to the store for more frozen yogurt. Ran out and bought a thermometer to check my temperature. Even so, our house is a disaster zone from both of us being too weak and sick to do much of anything.

I think the fact that I’m noticing that means today I’m a little better.

The doctor said that I need to stay home all week so I don’t make anyone else sick at work. I have a note to prove it. And to be honest, it’s a good plan.

See, I’m not bored yet. After three days of sitting on the couch and laying in bed, I don’t even have the energy to start a new book after finishing Rachael’s How to Knit a Love Song (delightful, btw!).
I’m hoping to be bored tomorrow, or maybe later today. I am tired of being this sick. I’ve missed out on the prettiest Toronto weather so far this year. Even my dogs are getting sick of me, and wish I’d just take them to the park.

The T3 is kicking in again so I’m going to go back to bed. I had some yogurt and hot water for breakfast. I miss coffee, but it hurts my throat too much from the acid. I haven’t had coffee since SATURDAY. I feel like I’m on some kind of perverse cleanse. Honey in hot water. Clear broth. Yogurt. Bah.

Today hasn’t been all that smooth. It started out fine. I woke, some time around 6:20, with a dog’s face on my neck, tucked in for snuggles. I got out of bed and enjoyed a lovely half cup of freshly brewed coffee. I checked the internets and decided to go for a run shortly after Sandra left for work.

That, my friends, is where everything went wrong.

The run itself was lovely. -5C with snow lightly falling. Little wind, except on Argyle on the way back. I did an easy 5km around Trinity Bellwoods and decided I wasn’t done. I pushed on for another 1.5km, enjoying the feel of going just a little bit faster, a little bit further.

I remember being exceptionally proud of myself, for not only running outside in January, but being quite comfortable running outside in January. See, my first few winter runs were either overdressed or underdressed, but I think I’ve finally figured it out. Running tights + sweat pants + l/s tech shirt + running jacket, a hat, and lightweight gloves. Perfect layers that can be unzipped and vented, or kept closed on days like today, with wind chills nearing -15C.

Remember this. My outfit will become kind of ironic later on.

I eventually made my way back to the house, fumbling in my usually-zipped jacket pocket to find the spare key.

No key.

Wait, that’s impossible. I’d zipped it in there before I started. It’s a new jacket – there are no holes. I checked the pockets again, then checked inside the pants pocket just in case.

No key.

It must have fallen out at some point along the route. I was locked out of my house. In the middle of January. With snow, lightly falling. Wearing basically indoors clothing.

I thought that maybe – maybe – I’d forgotten to lock the back door the last time I’d let the dogs in. After all, I had been expecting to be back inside, getting ready for work, before doing the final walk through on the house.

Our house doesn’t exactly have an alley, but it has a path that stretches from the street to our backyard. I jogged around the block, and that cold sweat felt absolutely awesome in the chilly breeze. I fiddled a little with our back gate. Totally stuck. Completely stuck.

So, I decided to climb over it.

Not my finest moment. But not the worst moment of the day to come. I made it, and nearly avoided several fresh batches of dog poo.

Unfortunately, I’d been safe earlier, and properly locked the back door.

Back over the fence again. I sat on the front deck for a few minutes, debating what to do next. I had my iPod Touch with me, so I fired off a couple of Twitter DMs to get someone to phone Sandra to phone our dog-sitter. Maybe April could come by with her key? And let me in, so I could get warm, shower, and finally get ready for work?

I check the time. It’s 9:15. I’ll be late, but not terribly so, all things considered.

Just then, my iPod battery dies. No way to get a return message, or know if anyone got ahold of Sandra.

I walked down to the Drake. It’s three long blocks facing the wind, and I was now coated with several layers of ice where my sweat had frozen. I stumbled inside and told a short version of my story to the gal at the desk. She looked me up top to bottom. I was wearing my green ear flap hat, my pink shirt, and my yellow jacket. I looked like a frozen rainbow. She laughed a little, mostly in sympathy, and showed me the phone and gave me a glass of water.

I have never been more grateful for a phone, so of course, I immediately asked her for another favor – to look up a few locksmith numbers.

Within seconds of the first conversation, I realized the locksmith plan was not going to pan out. Not only did I not have any money on me, I didn’t have any ID either. My wallet, like my keys, were safe inside on the foyer bookshelf. The locksmith snickered a little when I explained, then eventually agreed to come open the door. In two hours.

I took a deep breath. Two hours. During which time I do what? Sit like a lump on the couch in the Drake’s lobby? Bum a cup of coffee and some food and twiddle my thumbs?

After a second (really, what were my options?) I agreed. At which point he told me that the fee would be $150. Fine, I said.

“And it’s cash only. No debit. No credit card.”

I thought about asking if he’d wait for me to run to the closest ATM – six blocks or so – and return with the cash, but then decided it wasn’t worth the cost or the wait.

Since I hadn’t tried retracing my steps yet, I decided to take another run to the park and back, following the same route. The key may have just been one, but it had a red shiny tag on it, and maybe I’d be able to spot it on the sidewalk or along the road.

3.62 incredibly cold kilometers later, I was back at the house, still key-less.

I stepped over the city guys working on the water pipes outside our house and went up to the door. There was a tag hanging from the doorknob, and I’d hoped it was April, or some other offer of help.

Instead, it was an “Advanced Warning” notice from the City, letting me know – quite helpfully – that our water would be disconnected beginning at 10am on the 27th.

It was the 27th. And it was well after 10am. And that notice had not been there at 9:15. I spun around on my heels and shouted, “Hey! Is my water turned off right now?”

A large surly man raised his head from the ditch and said, “We knocked. You weren’t home.”

“That’s because I was out running 10km. I need to shower. How am I supposed to shower with no water? Not to mention the total lack of ‘Advanced’ Notice. 20 minutes is NOT Advanced.”

I may have continued for a few paragraphs. About common courtesy, the disruption to my work day. At some point, he stopped listening and just went to work, and I remembered that even if there was piping hot water just inside, I still had no keys to get in.

At this point, my day actually improved a little. I couldn’t do anything about anything. I couldn’t shower. I couldn’t change. I couldn’t get my TTC pass so I could take the bus. But what I could do was head back to the Drake again. It was warm there, and the very helpful and sweet desk clerk might have another idea.

When I came into the lobby, she greeted me with a cup of coffee and mentioned that April had just phoned for me. Perfect! She also mentioned that if I needed bus fare, she could spot me the $3. She’d been locked out before, and she knew how much it sucked.

I phoned April and we chatted for a few minutes. She couldn’t come for 45 minutes or so, and I decided to just get on the streetcar and head to work.

Remember, for a second, what I’m wearing. Sweatpants. Bright yellow jacket. Bright pink top. Bright green ear flap hat. And also, let’s remember that I work for the Ontario Government in Cabinet Office. While I generally wear jeans to work, it’s not a sweatpant kind of place.

When I got to the building, I had to check in with security. Obviously, my official badge was also at home. He looked me up and down once, then twice. I spelled my name for him and assured him that I worked in the building. Room 4610, to be precise.

He squinted at the screen and then back at me.

“Can you take off the funny hat, miss?”

I should have said yes immediately. All I could think of was that I had showered the morning before, had slept on my hair, and without brushing it, had shoved it into the funny hat so I could go for a nice little run with minimal fuss.

Basically, I looked like crap. Frozen, sweaty, crap.

My hesitation must have spoke volumes. “Oh, it’s got to be you. I can tell. Here’s your badge.”

Once safely upstairs, my coworkers were nice enough to not openly mock or laugh. Ten minutes later, I’d changed into backup clothing and shoes; an old pair of black uggs, my sweatpants, a black tee and this too-big maroon cardigan. Not exactly chic or work appropriate, but a step up from the tech gear. My hair got shoved into a serviceable pony tail. I washed my face and generally freshened up. And then went about my day.

I used to be the kind of person this never happened to. I was organized to a fault. In fact, just yesterday, I was explaining my beloved Eagle Creek Packing Cube system, and how I love that I can keep track of everything I need when I travel. And yet, something about 2010 is making me fear for my brain. That maybe I’ve lost that part of myself that has helped me function all these years.

I’m forgetting plans. I’m forgetting tasks. And now I’m losing keys.

The whole thing could have been prevented so many ways. Stashing a backup key somewhere hidden outside. Securing the key to my necklace. Running with a $20. Buying an iPhone so I can have the phone AND my Nike+ when I run.

Or just not being stupid.

On the good side, I managed to get in a 10k before work this morning. On the downside, I got to work just before 11. I inconvenienced at least five people plus my dogs, who probably wanted another trip to the bathroom before I left for work. I walked around the office in totally unflattering and unprofessional attire. Getting home from work will involve borrowing more money for the streetcar and braving the elements in well ventilated running gear.

But despite it all, I am laughing quite hardily at myself for this gaffe. It’s such a noob mistake, to lock oneself out.

And I’m really going to enjoy that shower when I get home tonight.

You know I’m an Apple fan. My first programming experience was a Logic class on an Apple IIc when I was in grade 3. And you know I’m going to drool over this tablet, whatever it turns out to be.

For me to drop $1000 on this, many things would have to happen. (Sandra would have to have a full time job, for one!) But mainly, it would have to be able to function as my primary computer for 90% of what I do. Maybe not photoshop or pattern production, but certainly everything else; surfing, emailing, listening to music, tracking my runs and my ww points, blogging, uploading photos to flickr, updating my ravelry, etc. And I’d really, really, REALLY love it if I could use it as an eBook reader as well.

Just cause I can, here’s my own (very reasonable) wishlist for the first generation iSlate:

Integrated WiFi and 3G
Probability: High

I want a device that can get online anywhere. Granted, this is going to be a little more complex in Canada. I’m already paying Rogers for my blackberry and my home internet. I’d love to share a data plan between multiple devices, an idea that’s not that far from reality.

Mostly, though, I want the 3G connection to either be free (like the Kindle) – highly unlikely – or optional. Can I get the tablet and just have it connect via WiFi? Can I then start paying for 3G without a hardware upgrade?

Functional Dock with Keyboard and Mouse
Probability: Medium/High

A keyboard – an actual keyboard – is a bit of a must for someone who writes as much as I do. (Code, patterns, blog entries, even fiction.) While I’m pretty adept on my blackberry, I’ve never really adjusted to any speed with the iPhone’s keystroke model. I want a real keyboard as an option for times when I need to do a lot of wordsmithing.

Hear me out on this one. Docking the tablet would take down it’s portability, for sure. But what if the dock could work like a laptop, with the tablet as the screen? I’d be able to use it around the house, or take it with me if I needed more writing ability. Having a dock that allows the tablet to be propped upright, much like the iPod docs, would make it a better system for home multimedia as well.

Speakers – decent ones
Probability: Medium

I’m sure some kind of speaker will be included. There’s already one on the iPod Touch, but the quality and amplification leaves a lot to be desired. From a bigger device, I’d expect bigger sound.

USB – Just One Port Please
Probability: ?

I haven’t seen many rumours around the ports available on the tablet, but I’m really hoping for a single usb port with device support. I want an easy way to get files onto – and off of – the tablet. I want to sync my iPod. And upload photos.

eReader Functionality
Probability: High

Apple’s dumb if they don’t use their highly successful iTunes model to electronically distribute books and periodicals. What they need to make it competitive is a great user experience for reading the material, though. And I’m betting that – if they wanted – they could do it better than the Kindle or the Nook.

My Media – Everywhere
Probability: ?

Now that I’ve got the AppleTv up and running to serve up movies and tvs from iTunes, I really want all my stuff everywhere. That may be more of an AppleTv request than a tablet one, to be clear. Why can’t it function as a server that broadcasts to every one of my iTunes instances? This could work with the eReader concept too. Imagine if I could use my tablet to read in bed at night, then pick up my iPod on the bus the next day and be able to start from the same page?

I don’t know. It’s not much of a list, really. The USB port is probably the only feature not super likely, although maybe not. It would be great to be able to connect and charge existing devices.

Mostly though, I want Apple to totally surprise me next week. I want this tablet to redefine portable computing the way the iPod did portable music. I’m ready for it. And you know I’ll be watching closely next Wednesday to see what we can expect from Apple’s “newest creation.”